Life with Ed

At first, Ed seemed like a really nice guy. Mysterious, comfortable and charming.  He understood me, and I understood him.  He was that bad boy my Mom always told me I shouldn't see, but he made me feel free- free from all of the troubles in my life that had kept me down. Now- I could finally breathe. I think I might like him. Let's see if we can take this to the next level.

10 years later, Ed and I were still together. Although now, our relationship had made a 360 degree turn, for the worse. Ed began controlling me.  I thought I had my life under control and that I owned it; boy was I wrong! Ed had completely taken over the Lindsay I once knew. He had manipulated my my thoughts, self-worth and life. I was in a trance; hypnotized. 

I no longer had relationships my friends and family. And if I did, I would often scurry out in a hurry to cater to Ed's needs. I would lie to anyone and everyone so they wouldn't think that Ed was the one controlling me. All to familiar excuses like, "I don't feel well, I'm going to have to head out." or "my dog is sick, I really should get home", weren't uncommon endings to most outings. I honestly made up any and every excuse possible to go tend to Ed's needs. 

I knew I had to end it- end it with Ed. It had been way too long. Too many tears, lies, lost friendships and heartache for this to continue on. He was toxic. He robbed me of my life and everything I had once stood for.  I was a liar, a thief, a fraud. I had to break this spell that Ed had cast upon me. 

The day came when I decided to blind-side Ed. After having gone out one night to watch a American Music Awards with a friend of mine, Ed started calling, and calling. Threatening me if I didn't leave right then and there.  I ignored him. I stayed.  

I will forever be grateful for my courage that day.  I no longer let Ed control me and drive me to that miserable place he was on the regular. Now, I'm free.

Ed was my Eating Disorder.  I was bulimic for the better part of 10 years.  I've been in recovery for over 3, and I've never been happier.

This blog is a place for me to learn from myself- past mistakes, trials, feats and triumphs.  I'll post past struggles with new-found strengths as I try and stay strong in learning to love myself just the way I am.